The Beginning.

Before I start pouring my heart out there are few things you should know about the blog.

Reason: Needed to boast a bit since I have lost belief in myself somehow.

Disclaimer: The post is going to be melodramatic at times and I do tend to exaggerate a bit from time to time so don't crib if you see overreactions here and there.

So it all began with the Maharashtra State Board(SSC) examination, where after an astonishingly bad year I pulled off an 85.69%, that's a story for another time. Well, I was even given an award from the coaching classes I "attended" during the year. Here, take a look at it (It's not bragging if it's true -Harvey Specter):

The scores and awards are another things but the most important life decision you have to make is whether you will take "Science" or "Commerce" well back in the day Arts wasn't a very friendly choice in the opinion of the families. I was a bit of the nerdy types in school and was quite sure I wanted to become an engineer; my path was chosen- SCIENCE. But, knowing me so well my mom told me, "Son, take commerce, I'll give you extra pocket money, just don't spoil your career by choosing a field which requires so much effort and hard work". Actually, that was kind of true given my laid-back attitude about everything; my mom was worried I'd just be stressed with all the work the science field requires. Nonetheless, I was adamant on taking the science field and there was no way I'd agree. So I procured admission in the coaching classes for MHCET which was an entrance examination for getting an engineering college in Maharashtra.

A couple of the incidents I remember from the two years of suffering was with Prof. M and Prof. P (name hidden, do not want to harm their reputation). Well, I was slapped total of 7 times by Prof. P in class for some shitty reason apart from the first one where I copied the solution to the most difficult question for the homework and could not explain it. The scene that happened was Prof. P was going through the solutions of the homework in the class and he stopped next to me and asked, "You solved this random question which no solved, care to go up to the whiteboard and explain it?" I replied stuttering,"I don't know how I got the answer". He calmly went ahead, I thought, "Okay, problem solved. After all, honesty is the best policy" but by the time I could complete my thought Prof. P was staring at me daydreaming he slapped me took my book threw it and said, "Buddhadev [with deep voice] get out of my sight". I calmly got up, packed my bag and left. That was the day I guess his affection for me started and I was thrown out of most of the lectures for no reason. Okay, moving on to the other incidents with Prof. M, but before I dive into the details here's the overview. Prof. M had an extra batch for people he thought were smart enough to score well on the AIEEE(no, the full form is too long- Google it! :| ) and he called it the scholar's batch. I had the knack for Mathematics but being laid back never performed well on the quizzes and homework. So, one fine day Prof. M announces there is a practice test on Derivatives for 50 marks but the question will be VERY difficult. I was like, "Meh, let's just go and give the test". I went for the test and to my surprise, I was quite infamous in the batch so I was given a seat by Mr. A (Prof. M's confidante) where was no one next to me in all four directions. Like I had any f*cks to give I just took the test and the next class I was called by the professor saying who I copied from and I asked the reason for the interrogation. Turns out, I had one of the highest marks in the test where the people from the scholar's batch failed to score. (Bwhaahahhaahhaha, more bragging to follow). And repeated the same feat in the next two tests out which I was made to solve 7 questions on the whiteboard which I solved LIKE A BOSS! There are more incidents but let's get to the main point here, how is blog the chaotic ENGINEER and not anything else! :p

So, after going through the turmoil of these coaching classes some of which were just dictators who wanted to you to slog your ass off, I attempted the CET. The CET I gave was in few of the best places in Mumbai- Bandra. My center was named "New Something High School" where I felt I was in some rural area. The benches squeaking and broken, which no room to sit comfortably even if you are not that tall. I started my exam with Physics and Chemistry. I attempted the entire Physics Chemistry paper and marked the right answers on the question paper. But, during the paper, there was no warning bell of 10 minutes and I could not mark 13 marks of answers on my answer sheet. Bye-bye, 13 marks. I can score only 187 marks now I thought ( So overconfident!). Hahaha, bye-bye good colleges, I can score full in maths and my Physics Chemistry wasn't bad so I can still get 160ish I said to myself. I aced the Mathematics paper or so I thought. The results were to be out on the 14th of June and I remember it was almost mid-night when I was watching Germany-Australia and my mom got a call from a friend saying the CET results were out.

*Now starts the real story and the melodrama. Go take a sip of water if you want! I am just getting started*

I sprung out of my bed with hopes of seeing a significant score on my mark sheet. I started my PC, opened the website for the CET results, I remembered my seat number so I went and pulled the marks. The screen displayed 107 marks. Yes, I had scored 107/200. I called another friend of mine he had scored 94, another one had scored 90 and the person whose mother had called scored 144 I guess. Only two or three of my friends had scores above 120, it was a complete massacre. I couldn't believe what my eyes saw. How could I have scored so low, given that I had completely screwed up the Chemistry paper, my Mathematics paper was amazing I was expecting at least 90/100. But I had managed to score just 68, sixty f*ing eight in Mathematics- my strongest subject! The other two were despicable with 19 in Chem and 24 in Physics. I ran to my drawer and searched for the hall-ticket to confirm my marks, I simply couldn't believe the blasphemy. Nonetheless, it was true, I screwed up. I went through some trauma and burnt one of my books on the cooking gas. My mother came and slapped me and started crying and said, "What have you done?" and I had no answer. Following that, I had a huge fight on what I did wrong in the two years for at least 3-4 hours and for the first time in my life I had screwed up something so important and was totally speechless.

Next day, I went to meet a few friends and asked what the scores looked like in my college. Well, most of them were either skipping town to at least get into an engineering college and some were planning of amending their life dreams. I somehow still felt my score was a big mistake and it wasn't possible but looking at the others I felt a triple digit score was amazing. However, I hadn't met the people in the "Scholar's batch" who had scored around 170-180 like it was the easiest examination of their lives and I started to worry about my admission. For days I had stopped believing in God and blamed Almighty for my misery.

When I was tensed and worried I asked a friend of mine about the scope of admission in Mumbai and he said trust in the CAP rounds, which stood for Central Admission Process wherein students have three rounds to enter 15/30/45 colleges and they're given the general quota seat. The CAP seats were sheer luck and I wanted admission in an engineering college in Mumbai. During, the start of the FYJC days I had told my father, "Kuch bhi ho jaaye, tumhe donation nahi bharna padega" (You won't have to pay money as donation for my admission) which now seemed highly unlikely. I reached to friends who had contacts in the colleges to find out what was the price of securing admission in the colleges in Mumbai. As far as I remember, Thakur College was Rs. 800,000and DJ Sanghavi was Rs. 1,500,000. And I wasn't in the favor of paying such an astronomical figure to get the same degree saying "University of Mumbai" from any college in Mumbai.

After a lot of discussion with my seniors, I had a fair idea of how the CAP rounds work. The bottom line being the higher the CAP rounds the better the college. So, I put all impossible to achieve colleges in the first round which has a limit of 15 colleges. Out the 15 colleges one selects, the top priority (if one gets into multiple colleges) is allotted, and if you are allotted a college during the process you cannot reject it and enter the next round. So, I did not get into any colleges for the first CAP round. It was planned after all but my parents did not know. I was constantly getting the cold shoulder at home. Being told that I shouldn't have taken the science stream as advised earlier by my mother and I am not capable of being an engineer. Shortly after the results of the first CAP were announced, I lost my grandfather. With the grief of no admission and a less score, my family had to deal with the loss of a loved one. I started disbelieving in the God to the highest order, my short temper was always the issue and now I was like Dr. Banner for Avengers - "I am always angry". While we were at the cremation my uncle walks up to me and tell me "Beta, please take commerce, you can't become an engineer, accept the fact and move on. Don't make your parent suffer any further. Learn from my kid (my cousin) and stop creating a ruckus." Well, I was quite the person who is confident and doesn't like to be told what to do, this set-off the Hulk and I somehow said some very insulting words to my uncle (allegedly, I seriously don't remember this happening. But my mom was told otherwise).

Enter, CAP-2, the round with 30 choices and there was some catch about one getting an option to select from multiple colleges one gets them, I don't really remember. The one thing I remember was I was so frustrated with the crap from my family I just started selecting random colleges and most of them away from Mumbai.  I just needed to get away from the bullcrap. Sadly, I did not get into any of the 30 f*cking colleges I applied to. My mom was completely from the inside, seeing her kid suffer wasn't a pleasant sight for her at all. She somehow convinced my father to pay some donation and get me admission into an engineering college. I set out again looking for people would give me a seat in exchange for a reasonable sum of money. One college was Viva, which was in Virar, at least an hour by train and then 30 odd minutes by a rickshaw which if not available was another joy-ride in a truck to college as it was on the highway or something like that. Viva's donation cost around Rs. 50,000 or something back then, and none of these was a guaranteed seat, there was a huge chance that it was all a scam and I would lose the amount of money I invested. I went colleges in Mira Road, Bhayender and Thane to see if there was some hope but all in vain. "Maybe, I am not supposed to be an engineer, after all. Maybe I should just switch to commerce and get a B.Com degree", I thought.

I had given up all hope and one day I thought I should go to some place calm, away from the negativity and stress. Well, who knows what happened I ended up going to a temple, I stopped being an atheist and approached almighty. I was having the biggest slump of my life and the only ray of hope that would tell me to drop my dream was God. I sat there talking to the good old smiling statue asking him questions like, "Why did you do this? Why me? What did I do to attract your wrath? Do I really have to take up a field I do not like? Is this your master plan to make me suffer?” Believe me or not after an hour of whining like a child I felt someone just said, "Don't give up!" that's it. I stood up and left with a strange feeling of rejuvenated confidence in me.

CAP-3: 45 college you get any college you have to go, no options. My friend Niket was sitting with me telling me to put good colleges but I was filling in random shit and submitted the form. To hell with this good college crap, I wanted to become an engineer, now I was motivated just by the fact that people told me I could not. Niket got into Thakur College of Engineering & Technology in Information Technology during that round. And yet again after all the pain I was sitting there, without any admits and a dream almost shattered into pieces. Niket on the hand was cribbing about getting an admit in the third round. Apparently, the fourth round is just for the "luckiest" and I did not believe that. Later that month I got a mail from the CAP portal saying that I have to be at some college in Aurangabad for my last round. I informed my parents about the same, they were so fed up with the process that they had given up all hopes but I somehow convinced them.

CAP-4: Aurangabad here I come. With the weird positivity and anger, I entered Aurangabad and checked into a normal hotel. I remember while I was on the train to Aurangabad, my mom and I were playing cards and I was winning almost every game following which I stopped dealing and told my mom, "I'd rather save this luck for tomorrow". That night I could hardly sleep thinking that tomorrow is the day where I might be an engineering student or just end up losing to fate enrolling in some commerce course. (D-Day: T -6hours) I walked into the humongous campus where the final round was taking place, and suddenly I hear people getting into top notch colleges like S.P. Jain at a relatively lower score than the usually take in. The slots were decided according to the marks, I was rank 21000ish, and I was around the 2 pm slot. Mixed feelings, on one hand, people getting good colleges, on the other hand, seats were also filling up fast enough. The later proved to be true as most of the good colleges had no seats remaining.

As my slot approached (T -30minutes) I walked into an auditorium which one center stage where a lot of authorities were seated who were signing some kind of documents and two screens displaying the live count of seats. The seating was such that only one parent was allowed in the auditorium by had to sit separately. Also, the students were sitting according to their ranks and were in a spiral order. I was given a seat by a co-ordinator where could fill in top 10 colleges I liked, the highest priority if available would be allotted. The clock ticked, the students moved ahead and my mom was sitting parallel to me, as I entered the third row I just gestured looking at my mom to stay calm and big smile. Then I took a look at the screen, the seats for the amazing college Thadomal Sahani were still open for Computer Engineering and so were Rajiv Gandhi's and they were on my list after Thakur. I called a co-ordinator ask him I could get a new sheet as he had told we can update the sheet if the seats changed, but he said it was too late. There were only two seats for Thakur - Information Technology, yes just one and almost 12 students ahead of me. As soon as there were 8 students the count was updated to just one seat remaining. I turned to the others just to check if I were to get the last seat, three people did not reply but the others were looking for Mechanical Engineering seats so I was quite sure I'd end up Thakur. My name was announced and I was asked, "You are getting the seat at Thakur are you okay with that?" I spontaneously responded, "Yes! Yes!". "Please hand in the demand draft." the lady said. As I handed the DD, she signed the paper and said, "Congratulations!" While getting off the stage I felt like just won the Nobel Prize, looked at my mom and yelled, "Thakur" and my dad who at the exit waiting for the out heard it. I walked up to him and said, "I told that I won't make you pay donation" and that was the first time I saw a tear roll down my father's eye.

The journey after that is for another time. But the moral of the story is believe it or not there is someone watching out for you; you just have to believe in yourself.

KANPAI!